


the end of instrumentality

by angelusCovenant



Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion
Genre: Gen, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-19
Updated: 2018-03-19
Packaged: 2019-04-04 11:38:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14019420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelusCovenant/pseuds/angelusCovenant
Summary: an essay about the solution to the hedgehog's dilemma, and the thoughts that i imagine were racing through shinji ikari's head in the midst of instrumentality. also: a tale about the paradigm shift of a loner, and the reason why the end of evangelion ended so happily.(based on a true story, and the realizations that i had after making real friends for the very first time.)





	the end of instrumentality

**Author's Note:**

  * For [cascadedEquilibrium](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cascadedEquilibrium/gifts), [RambunctiousBloodmason](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RambunctiousBloodmason/gifts).



> My first fanfiction. This was inspired by the works of fellow Evangelion fans, by the philosophies of Hideaki Anno himself, and by the personal experiences of yours truly.

There was once a neurologist named Sigmund Freud. Plenty of his statements have been disproven, cast aside, rendered obsolete. However, one in particular still remains relevant today. This is the theory of the Hedgehog's Dilemma. It is the study of the challenges of human intimacy and communication. By likening hedgehogs to humans and hedgehog spikes to human flaws, it becomes easy to understand his statement. Hedgehogs desire to be close to other hedgehogs in order to remain warm in the winter, which is likened to the cold harshness of living itself. However, they are frightened of pricking and hurting their companions with their spikes. Therefore, they withdraw from others and freeze to death alone.

"Part of growing up is learning how to become close with other humans while refraining from hurting them as well as distancing pain..."

It is often said that love is, at its most fundamental, the sacrifice of the ego. It is the force which breaks down the individual barriers which both form and separate every human being. In order to truly love another, it is indeed a requirement that one must first be willing to die to self.

You may be questioning whether it is better to give up a part of yourself and merge with the souls of others, or to live utterly uncompromisingly and yet be completely alone. 

It is worth it to form relationships with others. Solitude is not bliss. You would not exist in a world without others. That would be impossible. Everything you know, you learned from another, whether directly or indirectly. Even language is a concept you did not invent yourself. It is yet another idea which you only picked up from others. The same goes for writing, speaking, and even thinking. In addition, you did not even create yourself. Your very existence is made possible solely because of the intervention of another.

It is true that people filter out whatever it is that is not congruent with their own personal, subjective, manufactured versions of reality. Perfect objectivity does not exist within the minds and wills of each and every person. People are like icebergs – the completeness of their beings is often buried beneath miles and miles of murky, imperceptible oceans. We humans will never understand each other one hundred percent. However, trying to do so is what makes life so interesting. By observing the similarities and differences between yourself and others – by observing the boundaries between them and yourself – you can define yourself much more clearly. When different perspectives come together and yet learn to respect each other and view things in a whole new light altogether, it is truly a thing of beauty.

It is still important to remember who you are, though. Don’t die. Live. You must never forget the shape which forms you inside your heart. This is why your sense of identity must first come from within. You must learn to absolutely love yourself. The true you, not any sort of false you that you projected to the world to be validated via external means. One who does not love oneself will find it difficult to truly love another. Accept yourself, then make yourself better every day, having found peace with yourself as you currently are.

Humans are social creatures, and interaction is a natural part of the real world. Indeed, there is always the possibility of it being painful; however, it is the rain which helps plants to mature. It is better to take a chance of being hurt while learning to grow, rather than to live safely while simultaneously remaining in a regressive womb-like existence forever. As the famous saying goes: "Ships in harbor are safe, but that is not why ships are built." It’s other people who give us our brilliant colors in the end.

**Author's Note:**

> "Anywhere can be paradise as long as you have the will to live. After all, you are alive. Therefore, you will always have the chance to be happy. As long as you have the sun, the moon, and the stars, everything will be alright." --Hideaki Anno


End file.
